Quo Vadimus

The last two days at the tables have been incredibly frustrating. I’ve been waiting to bust out of this cold streak for over a month, but just can’t seem to shake it. I know I should be crushing this game so only winning 3 pt bb/100 is a bit disappointing. It didn’t really start to bother me till yesterday. Bad beats don’t put me on tilt, but when those bad beats are combined with some poor play I begin to feel the tingle of tilt on the back of my neck.

If I feel like I am playing awesome I can easily shrug off any outdraw. When I don’t have the luxury of saying “I’m playing great so the money will soon come” a string of outdraws hurts much more. On Thursday I played 2759 hands and lost $443. Friday did not start off well, as I made some mistakes at the beginning of my session. I turned up my game and started playing awesome poker and I was soon even on the day. As the session started to wind down I was hammered with a slew of bad beats. I ended down $343 after 1808 hands. Going from a low point, working my way back up, and then violently thrown back down did a number on my psyche. Honestly, it was one of the worst feelings I have felt from poker. Anyone who knows poker knows that 8 buy ins in 2 days is pretty normal. It wasn’t the money that hurt. The build up of continued bad luck combined with poor play caused a pretty low feeling.

After the session was over all I wanted to do was lock myself in my room and sit in the dark feeling sorry for myself, and I did just that. While lying in bed thoughts of an extended break or switching up games raced through my head. Soon getting bored with the self loathing I decided to watch the final episode of Sports Night that for some reason I had yet to watch. It’s an amazing show and one scene from this series finale hit me really hard given my current state of mind.

In it a business owner says to the Sports Night producer:

“I’m what the world considers to be a phenomenally successful man, and I’ve failed much more than I’ve succeeded. Each time I fail I get my people together and say “where are we going?”…… and it starts to get better”.

After hearing that something in my head clicked, and I was no longer upset at poker. It reinforced the fact that poker is a crazy game and sitting around feeling sorry for myself while I could be working on improving my game was a stupid waste of time. Any self doubt that was lingering was washed away and I am now ready to do whatever it takes to become a better poker player, and person. Those who have success in the past often feel like they now have a god given right to win. Poker is not such an easy mistress, and she demands constant effort if you want to stay afloat. I am now ready to take the next step in my poker evolution. I feel incredibly lucky to live with the other instructors here at Poker Dynasty. We are really great about helping each other constantly improve, and I hope you guys are starting to get that same benefit learning from us.

It’s crazy how the universe tends to give you exactly what you need. I am a strong believer in the cliché “The only time you fail is when you don’t learn from your mistakes” It just took an amazing quote from a TV show to make me remember that.

Bankroll: $3815
Hands played this week: 10309
Bonus cleared this week: $483